Operation Loft Bed Shelf was a success. Minimal injuries, no swearing, and has produced the desired result of getting the Offspring to enjoy his room more so I can have the living room TV for something other than Sponge Bob.
1 – 1 x 6 x 8 board & 3 brackets = ~$40. I had extra wood screws and wall anchors so I’m not factoring those into the cost.
Maybe he’ll start using the alarm clock now, eh?