Today is the first Sunday without Mom here. The routine has changed. It’s not bad, just different.
I’m no longer looking out the front door waiting for Charlene or Eather. No checking the camera for a white car to see if it’s ok to leave yet. No getting meds together or asking Mom if she need to go to the bathroom before I leave.
In looking at photos over the past week, I realize that she smiled a lot more than I realized. Yeah, there were always the semi-irritated “what are you doing?” glances in my direction, but she looked happy especially when she was with Connor.
Grief is a strange thing. I’m still adjusting and there’s a thousand small habits I’ve developed over the past few years that will take some time to get past.
I hope she’s not hungry or thirsty where she’s at. I hope she’s taking long leisurely walks without a wheelchair or even a cane. I hope she’s smiling.
I did not know that I would miss her this much.